Things Not To Say To Your Pregnant Wife

I love my wife and NEVER would any of these utterances come out of my mouth. But they are funny nonetheless!! Guys, here's a hint: Before you say something to your pregnant wife, make sure it's NOT on this list.

15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Anderson had a baby!"

14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"

13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 24th is the Iron Bowl!"

12. "Darned if you ain't about 5 pounds away from a surprize visit from that Richard Simmons fella."

11. "Fred at the office passed a kidney stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt!"

10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"

9. "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"

8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

7. "Get your OWN ice cream."

6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today!"

5. "I finished the Oreos!"

4. "Got milk?"

3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"

2. "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."

... and finally ...

1. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."